Once my dad dragged me out of bed, I sat at the breakfast area. Same as yesterday, *sigh*. We got in the car, and I prepared for a long drive.
We were going to Devil’s Tower. Why did they call it Devil’s Tower? Maybe because it looks like something only the devil himself could dream up. No but seriously, look at a picture, it just gives you an evil “horror movie” feeling.
While we’re driving, I read a book about how a kid gets stuck in Minecraft©. Sound familiar? Somehow the book keeps me from dying of boredom. At least the kid is always on the brink of death. It’s more interesting than watching a barren landscape of shriveling bushes, Devil’s Tower doesn’t seem like it could possibly be related from the pictures I’ve seen.
Then we stop at a place which claims to be the geographical center of the United States. Which includes Alaska and Hawaii. In the front of the building, it shows a board of the Vietnam War, and the Korean War. Not sure how that relates to physical geography though.
Now here’s the kicker, the center was marked with an enormous compass on the ground. Surrounding the compass, were all the flags of the US states. But there were 51, and the extra flag nearly gave me a heart attack.
Canada.
If you know, you know.
We decided to pay the prairie dogs an unplanned visit. Although what ticked me off is that my parents’ camera roll had more pictures of prairie dogs than us. You’re NOT winning the Nobel Prize for BETRAYAL! Sorry, got a little carried away, now where was I? Oh yeah, prairie dogs. Let’s move on, shall we?
After I had been reincarnated for 10 lifetimes, we reached Devil’s Tower. The tour guide talked about a movie where a guy who’s been more or less possessed, by Devil’s Tower, sculpting it with mashed potatoes at the dinner table, nearly burning down the house, making a clay sculpture. You know, the usual.
All I can say, is that it didn’t exactly boost my enthusiasm to visit Devil’s Tower, I did need a Satanic demon possessing me. Even though the name suggests it was made by the devil himself, I still don’t know why I was surprised.
Thankfully, one of the exhibits suggested the Native American explanation. They said the tower was used by the native people to keep them safe from the grizzly bears that once inhabited South Dakota. They would climb the tower, which at the time, had smooth edges.
A comically large bear would attempt to climb the tower without success. The formation and texture came from the grizzly god’s claw marks from when he tried to climb the tower. Hold on, is the bear the devil? You know what, best not to think about it!
Moving away from fantasy (sorry Dakota tribes). There are some crazy and most certainly drunken things that actually happened at Devils Tower that were caught on record. The first dru-, I mean person to climb Devils Tower used a makeshift ladder. He would drive spikes through the cracks in the tower, then add a plank. Boom! A rickety ladder that was held up by the ever-growing cracks.
It should come as no surprise that the ladder became unusable after its first, and last use.
Here’s another story that shows how idiotic people can be. A manager had an employee who knew how to parachute and bet him $50, about $1125 in today’s money, that he couldn’t parachute onto the top of Devil’s Tower. What happened next?
The manager, as it turns out, seriously underestimated his employee. He, without consent from the NPS, jumped off a helicopter and managed to land on top of Devil’s Tower, which was fine, but he forgot the small detail about going back down.
He remained trapped up top of Devil’s Tower for two days while people air-dropped (not the one that Apple© made) food, and blankets. He was rescued by the NPS in front of 2,000 spectators. They used a 1000-foot rope and some help to get him off the tower.
The crazy part? He didn’t even get in trouble for the unapproved stunt. It brought so much publicity to the park. He was let off the hook. The American justice system, got to love it!
Now enough with what other people have done. I am civil enough (so far) to not commit guaranteed suicide for publicity. No, I walked the tower trail. No jumping, climbing, or any near-death experiences, just walking. It was treacherous.
Fast-forward a bit and we stopped to shop at Walmart and our VGPSBTG told us a bunch of stories about the Wild West of South Dakota. Woohoo! Now we’re on the Spearfish Canyon Loop! Nothing much happened on the 20-minute drive. We stopped to take pictures of a bunch of mountain goats and sheep and run-off-the mill waterfalls.
Boring with a capital bau(just kidding), we made it out to our hotel. Spearfish Canyon Lodge. Apparently, Theodore Roosevelt stayed here. We had dinner at the hotel restaurant while swatting away flies.
We spent the rest of the night on the heavenly hot tub. It had a bunch of rules that we may or may not have checked before entering the hot tub, although there was one rule that concerned me about why they had to make the rule.
No Pets!
Which meant someone had done exactly that. Wonderful! Well, I have to go and shower, desperately and catch some Zs. See you tomorrow!